- Doctor: Are you sexually active?
- Me: Yes.
- Doctor: Is there any chance you could be pregnant?
- Me: No.
- Doctor: Are you taking birth control pills?
- Me: No.
- Doctor: Do you use condoms?
- Me: Nope.
- Doctor (beginning to look concerned): Is there a medical reason you can't become pregnant?
- Me: Not that I'm aware of.
- Doctor (looking even more concerned, now speaking in a condescending tone): Then how do you know there's no chance of pregnancy?
- Me: Last I checked, my female partner would have a hard time pulling that off.
So… I recently read a post about the the top ten rules for polyamory, and they were all good but the one thing that stuck with me was: be comfortable by yourself, being yourself. I think this is the key to staying sane in a polyamorous relationship; I’m not saying its a prerequisite, but the realisation certainly helped me through a recent rough patch.
There are going to be times, even with multiple partners, when you are alone and they may be with significant, or not so significant, others. The times this happened to me, when I had more than a smidgen of self hate, were horrible - sickening feelings, anxiety: is she leaving me? is the other person smarter, better looking, better in bed? After torturing yourself for hours, perhaps all day, you do the inevitable and refocus the self hate into anger.
The thing is, she didn’t leave me and I trust that she won’t leave me; unfortunately it is your own self-worth, your self-esteem which has to kick in to maintain faith in that fact. As my psychological health improved, so did my self-esteem and so to my ability to deal with the alone times.
Maybe this is just my experience, and I am a small sample size, but perhaps others have had the same experience. Anyway, my thoughts, for your consideration, mastication, and review.