- Doctor: Are you sexually active?
- Me: Yes.
- Doctor: Is there any chance you could be pregnant?
- Me: No.
- Doctor: Are you taking birth control pills?
- Me: No.
- Doctor: Do you use condoms?
- Me: Nope.
- Doctor (beginning to look concerned): Is there a medical reason you can't become pregnant?
- Me: Not that I'm aware of.
- Doctor (looking even more concerned, now speaking in a condescending tone): Then how do you know there's no chance of pregnancy?
- Me: Last I checked, my female partner would have a hard time pulling that off.
How To Be An Ally To Sex Workers
http://redlightchicago.wordpress.com/how-to-be-an-ally-to-sex-workers/
1) Don’t Assume. Don’t assume you know why a person is in the sex industry. We’re not all trafficked or victims of abuse. Some people make a choice to enter this industry because they enjoy it, others may be struggling for money and have less of a choice.
2) Be Discreet and Respect Personal Boundaries. If you know a sex worker, it’s OK to engage in conversation in dialogue with them in private, but respect their privacy surrounding their work in public settings. Don’t ask personal questions such as “does your family know what you do?” If a sex worker is not “out” to their friends, family, or co-workers, it’s not your place to tell everyone what they do.
3) Don’t Judge. Know your own prejudices and realize that not everyone shares the same opinions as you. Whether you think sex work is a dangerous and exploitative profession or not is irrelevant compared to the actual experiences of the person who works in the industry. It’s not your place to pass judgment on how another person earns the money they need to survive.
4) Watch Your Language. Cracking jokes or using derogatory terms such as “hooker”, “whore”, “slut”, or “ho” is not acceptable. While some sex workers have “taken back” these words and use them among themselves, they are usually used to demean sex workers when spoken by outsiders.
5) Address Your Prejudices. If you have a deep bias or underlying fear that all sex workers are bad people and/or full of diseases, then perhaps these are issues within yourself that you need to address. In fact, the majority of sex workers practice safer sex than their peers and get tested regularly.
6) Don’t Play Rescuer. Not all sex workers are trying to get out of the industry or in need of help. Ask them what they need, but not everyone is looking for “Captain Save-A-Ho” or the “Pretty Woman” ending.
7) If you are a client or patron of sex workers, be respectful of boundaries. You’re buying a service, not a person. Don’t ask for real names, call at all hours of the day/night, or think that your favorite sex worker is going to enter into a relationship with you off the clock.
8 ) Do Your Own Research. Most mainstream media is biased against sex workers and the statistics you read in the news about the sex industry are usually inaccurate. Be critical of what you read or hear and educate yourself on who exactly is transmitting diseases or being trafficked.
9) Respect that Sex Work is Real Work. There’s a set of professional skills involved and it’s not necessarily an industry that everyone can enter into. Don’t tell someone to get a “real job” when they already have one that suits them just fine.
10) Just because someone is a sex worker doesn’t mean they will have sex with you. No matter what area of the sex industry that someone works in, don’t assume that they are promiscuous and willing to have sex with anyone at any time.
11) Be Supportive and Share Resources. If you know of someone who is new to the industry or in an abusive situation with an employer, by all means offer advice and support without being condescending. Some people do enter into the sex industry without educating themselves about what they are getting into and may need help. Despite the situation, calling the police is usually never a good option. Try to find other organizations that are sensitive to the needs of sex workers by contacting the organizations listed below.
12) As you learn the above things, stand up for sex workers when conversations happen. Share your personal stories if you so choose. Don’t let the stigma, bigotry and shame around sex work continue. Remember it’s important that sex workers be allowed to speak for themselves and for allies to not speak for sex workers but to speak with sex workers. Realize that sex work transcends ‘visible’ notions of race, gender, class, sexuality, education, and identities; sex workers are your sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, lovers, and friends. Respect them!I’ve posted this before, but it always bares repeating!
So… I recently read a post about the the top ten rules for polyamory, and they were all good but the one thing that stuck with me was: be comfortable by yourself, being yourself. I think this is the key to staying sane in a polyamorous relationship; I’m not saying its a prerequisite, but the realisation certainly helped me through a recent rough patch.
There are going to be times, even with multiple partners, when you are alone and they may be with significant, or not so significant, others. The times this happened to me, when I had more than a smidgen of self hate, were horrible - sickening feelings, anxiety: is she leaving me? is the other person smarter, better looking, better in bed? After torturing yourself for hours, perhaps all day, you do the inevitable and refocus the self hate into anger.
The thing is, she didn’t leave me and I trust that she won’t leave me; unfortunately it is your own self-worth, your self-esteem which has to kick in to maintain faith in that fact. As my psychological health improved, so did my self-esteem and so to my ability to deal with the alone times.
Maybe this is just my experience, and I am a small sample size, but perhaps others have had the same experience. Anyway, my thoughts, for your consideration, mastication, and review.